Ask me anything v. I adopted my stepson

[Jackrabbit]

In today's climate of unwed mothers and high divorce rates you may find yourself in the same situation I did several years ago.
My wife had a child from a previous marriage, and I went through the process of adopting him almost 2 years ago.

Every situation is unique but if anyone needs advice or questions on that sort of thing, or on being a step parent maybe I can help. :)

-Wade

[Mario]

Can you detail a little on how the process works? Does the child's dad play any part in the child's life (financially, emotionally, etc.)? How old is the kid when they were adopted and what kind of things did you go through?

[jackmode9316]

Thank you. Good to know there is someone to ask about that sort of thing.

I will definently be taking you up on that. I already have some and will ask as they come up again.

He is still pretty young so I don't have to worry about much but it still makes me feel kind of bad when His father drops him off and he gets all Excited and says my name. The problem is that he doesn't do that when he see's his father. Honestly I think I might be playing a bigger role in his life right now. Did you have any similar instances.

[Conrad]

Mario I think if you adopt a kid... the father has to give up his rights or the mother has to prove why he shouldnt be the father anymore.

[Evil_SpeedRacer]

Thats what I heard too. I am in the process now. We are trying to get a deadbeat to sign away the rights, and he is in prison. If one were so inclined, or rather pushed to do so...is it possible to represent yourself should you have to go to court? I would think so since the bio dad is in the pokey, not much of a leg for him to stand on. How long does this process take usually?

[Deceptakhan]

Thats what I heard too. I am in the process now. We are trying to get a deadbeat to sign away the rights, and he is in prison. If one were so inclined, or rather pushed to do so...is it possible to represent yourself should you have to go to court? I would think so since the bio dad is in the pokey, not much of a leg for him to stand on. How long does this process take usually?

Good luck brother! Beautiful family you have there.

[Jackrabbit]

Can you detail a little on how the process works? Does the child's dad play any part in the child's life (financially, emotionally, etc.)? How old is the kid when they were adopted and what kind of things did you go through?

His birth dad was out of the picture by the this time. He was backed up on child support and hadn't seen him in over 2 years. No calls on his birthday or nothing. We were dealing with his lawyer through our lawyer. We basically said we wouldn't persue back or further child support if he relinquished his parenting rights.

I adopted Kellan shortly before his 7th birthday. He's 8.5 now.

I had to get finger printed down at CBI and submit a set to the FBI as well. We had a short court appearance and it was done. Paperwork and everything took close to 4-5 months I'd say.
Kellan was issued a new birth certificate bearing my last name. It's a full adoption with him as my legal son and heir. :)

[Jackrabbit]

He is still pretty young so I don't have to worry about much but it still makes me feel kind of bad when His father drops him off and he gets all Excited and says my name. The problem is that he doesn't do that when he see's his father. Honestly I think I might be playing a bigger role in his life right now. Did you have any similar instances.


Definately.
He was 2 years old almost to the day when I came into his life. At that point his parents were already seperated for over a year and finalizing divorce proceedings.
I'd say the first couple of years were really strange for all of us. Kind of the 2 dads situation. After awhile he just really didn't like going to see his birth father and I think his dad didn't care too much either.
I think children really become attached to who they see everyday. If you're there taking care of him and mom, he will want to be with you.

My parents divorced when I was very young and I feel like a hardly know my dad 30 years later.

[Jackrabbit]

Thats what I heard too. I am in the process now. We are trying to get a deadbeat to sign away the rights, and he is in prison. If one were so inclined, or rather pushed to do so...is it possible to represent yourself should you have to go to court? I would think so since the bio dad is in the pokey, not much of a leg for him to stand on. How long does this process take usually?


Being that I work in a law firm and have seen people represent themselves on various issues (not family law) I'd recommend an attorney to help things go smoothly. They will be familar with the paperwork involved and case law.

If money is tight you can try to get pro bono representation. We were lucky enough that my wife's friend was a recent law graduate and she represented us for free.

[jackmode9316]

Definately.
He was 2 years old almost to the day when I came into his life. At that point his parents were already seperated for over a year and finalizing divorce proceedings.
I'd say the first couple of years were really strange for all of us. Kind of the 2 dads situation. After awhile he just really didn't like going to see his birth father and I think his dad didn't care too much either.
I think children really become attached to who they see everyday. If you're there taking care of him and mom, he will want to be with you.

My parents divorced when I was very young and I feel like a hardly know my dad 30 years later.
Thats very reassuring thank you.
I know exactly how the divorced parents situation goes. I just don't want the baby boy to grow up like me, without much of a father figure.
Thanks Wade, it means alot.

[Jackrabbit]

No problem.

Stick with it, it just gets better as the years go on.
There's nothing more rewarding then hearing a child tell you "You're the best dad ever." for the first time and they really mean it. Especially when you're a step parent. :)

Just try to remember what it was like when you were a kid. I catch myself pulling some crap my dad would do and stop myself right away. Just like you said, I want my kid to have the love and opportunities I never did. I can already tell he's better adjusted than I ever was as a kid. ;) Having a strong father figure is very important, especially for boys I think.

[Tranquility]

I was recently married and my husband plans to adopt my son as soon as we can muster up enough cash for court costs. A friend here told us that the road should be pretty easy for us since he has no father recorded on his birth certificate. Apparently that was one of the smarter things I did...He wasn't ever a part of his life anyway. It has made so many things easier. We just went and applied for a passport for my son as well and rightly so, BOTH parents regardless of situation have to sign for a child to get a passport. They didn't even blink when I was the only one who came in since technically he doesn't have a father. Hopefully the road will be as easy for the adoption, but I guess we'll see.