VERY funny essay answer, good read

[ryanman]

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term test. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic(absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume in hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is, therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh, my God."

[LeonZ]

:rofl:

[floored4door]

Good shit! :D

[DrJones]

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.

Any smart person can see from the start that his proof is wrong. Soul's don't have mass... In fact, the definition of a soul is pretty much the non-mass part of a human....

What a load of crap, this guy is an idiot.

[Nate]

I read that in 2nd grade.

[DrJones]

Besides Ryanman, if you want to post 10 year old nerd humor you might as well post something seasonal such as this (originally published in 1990)



1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total -- 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census)rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west(which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second -- a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anoint, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh -- to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison -- this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance -- this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim)would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion -- If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

[maz087]

Any smart person can see from the start that his proof is wrong. Soul's don't have mass... In fact, the definition of a soul is pretty much the non-mass part of a human....

What a load of crap, this guy is an idiot.

i think its quite obvious the author wasnt going for the most accurate answer. lighten up its a joke.

[ryanman]

Any smart person can see from the start that his proof is wrong. Soul's don't have mass... In fact, the definition of a soul is pretty much the non-mass part of a human....

What a load of crap, this guy is an idiot.
Dood, STFU. It's a simple joke that I ran across somewhere else. If you wanna go in depth with it then take your ass to www.soulsdon'thaveamass.com or some shit.

[ryanman]

Besides Ryanman, if you want to post 10 year old nerd humor you might as well post something seasonal such as this (originally published in 1990)
Once again, STFU homo. Isn't there a 10 year old nerd board for you to post on?

[ryanman]

i think its quite obvious the author wasnt going for the most accurate answer. lighten up its a joke.
Don't mind Dr Jones, he's an asspirate. In his opinion if it's not "politically correct" then it shouldn't be posted. He's a flamer.

[maz087]

give thrice and him there own section on the site. that way i know i can enter threads with non bitching.

[DrJones]

i think its quite obvious the author wasnt going for the most accurate answer. lighten up its a joke.

Likewise for my post.

[DrJones]

Once again, STFU homo. Isn't there a 10 year old nerd board for you to post on?

Isn't there a $200k speed boat you own?

;NutKick;

[DrJones]

give thrice and him there own section on the site. that way i know i can enter threads with non bitching.

Yea, lets do everything we can to make browsing easier for this guy.

He obviously thinks highly enough of himself to think we should all do everything we can to make life easier on him. That and he's confident enough to put a pic of his plate number and gf in his sig....

[ryanman]

Isn't there a $200k speed boat you own?

;NutKick;
As a matter of fact no, I have a $250k Offshore boat now.

[DrJones]

As a matter of fact no, I have a $250k Offshore boat now.

Is it the one from this thread (http://www.highaltitudeimports.com/t16047-.html)?

I also think you made a typo... I think when you typed 'offshore' you meant to write 'imaginary'. Might want to go back and edit that. I can see how you can get those two confused though. It was an honest mistake.

[Mario]

Jerry !! Jerry !! Jerry !! Jerry !! Jerry !!

[djet820]

Mario has a big penis

[maz087]

Mario has a big penis
:eek: :o ;UgH: 'ass: ;HeY; :werd:

i had all these feelings at once just now.

[djet820]

I'm guessing from all those emotions, you really liked it.

[ryanman]

Is it the one from this thread (http://www.highaltitudeimports.com/t16047-.html)?

I also think you made a typo... I think when you typed 'offshore' you meant to write 'imaginary'. Might want to go back and edit that. I can see how you can get those two confused though. It was an honest mistake.
I made a new thread for you dick munch.

[doctorstupid]

:eek: :o ;UgH: 'ass: ;HeY; :werd:

i had all these feelings at once just now.
So you went from shocked, to opening your mouth, to disliking what was put in your mouth (presumably Mario's large penis), to bending over, to tossing Mario's salad, to commending yourself for a job well done. Or did I miss one in there somewhere?

[ryanman]

So you went from shocked, to opening your mouth, to disliking what was put in your mouth (presumably Mario's large penis), to bending over, to tossing Mario's salad, to commending yourself for a job well done. Or did I miss one in there somewhere?
That's what it looks like to me.

[Mario]

Damn, no one has ever talked about my large dick before. I feel so... special.

[ryanman]

Damn, no one has ever talked about my large dick before. I feel so... special.
Leave it to printer boy to talk about someone else's dick.

[djet820]

Leave it to printer boy to talk about someone else's dick.


You know it, you make it seem like you dont' like it. Come on over, lets put some korean in ya.

[ryanman]

You know it, you make it seem like you dont' like it. Come on over, lets put some korean in ya.
Watch out, I'll stick my 6ft Usik in ya.

[djet820]

Take turns?

[ryanman]

You know what an Usik is?

[djet820]

No, wanna teach me ;)?

[ryanman]

An Usik is a Walrus dick, it's a BIG bone.

[JL LGT]

An Usik is a Walrus dick, it's a BIG bone.
TMI!

[djet820]

An Usik is a Walrus dick, it's a BIG bone.

Stop trying to come onto me you sick fuck, I don't care how nice your boat is.

[ryanman]

Stop trying to come onto me you sick fuck, I don't care how nice your boat is.
C'mon, it's got 4 beds. One for each 1/4 of the day, we can go to Mexico, what happens there, stays there.