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offroad_sport
11-19-2004, 12:08 PM
Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the
back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy
cigarettes and candy bars at the front.

Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and
a diet coke. While contemplating surgery for being to fat.

Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens
to the counters. Plus hire a rent a cop with a gun that would make Barney
Fife look like Dirty Harry.

Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in ! America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight. Don't forget screws in three's and nails by the dozen.

Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process
so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking
creatures'.

Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.

EVER WONDER ...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors and lawyers call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid
made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't
they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

stu
11-19-2004, 12:09 PM
Some one just open their e-mail? lol

DrJones
11-19-2004, 12:28 PM
Sorry but that post is retarded.... there are obvious explanations for everything... it's a dumb attempt at a joke by someone who is an idiot...

rmcdaniels
11-19-2004, 12:33 PM
sounds like Goerge Carlin stuff

stu
11-19-2004, 12:35 PM
Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering. Like this one. It's okay though, just about every e-mail I've ever gotten is the same as this. I just imagine the fat lady who sits across from the main character in Office Space writting all these e-mails. At the same time, I kind of feel like a dick going through e-mails pointing out what's wrong with all of them.

Skaterkid
11-19-2004, 01:26 PM
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

That's a funny one

stu
11-19-2004, 01:53 PM
I like the dish soap one.

doctorstupid
11-20-2004, 02:00 AM
Sorry but that post is retarded.... there are obvious explanations for everything... it's a dumb attempt at a joke by someone who is an idiot...
http://antisheep.org/rhetorical.htm

;)

computingfuture
11-20-2004, 09:27 AM
...Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Wool doesn't shrink when it gets wet, it shrinks in the dryer. Go put a sheep in the dryer and see what happens (I can almost guarantee hilarity).

David
11-20-2004, 10:17 AM
I thought it was kind of funny

that antisheep article is just this pathetic attempt at attention, its a fucking joke, that guy needs a life :rolleyes: (that means a lot when it comes from somebody who posts on HAI all day)

[like omg a chicken doesn't have the brain capabilities to know what a road is, much less think about why it is crossing it, who ever wrote that joke is a tool]